my name is red-ÎÒµÄÃû×ֽкì-µÚ45ÕÂ
°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡û »ò ¡ú ¿É¿ìËÙÉÏÏ·ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉ쵀 Enter ¼ü¿É»Øµ½±¾ÊéĿ¼ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡ü ¿É»Øµ½±¾Ò³¶¥²¿£¡
¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªÎ´ÔĶÁÍꣿ¼ÓÈëÊéÇ©ÒѱãÏ´μÌÐøÔĶÁ£¡
everything¡£¡¡That¡¯s¡¡where¡¡he¡¡crushed¡¡my¡¡father¡¯s¡¡face¡¡and¡¡skull£»¡¡that¡¯s¡¡where¡¡he¡¡
killed¡¡¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡brought¡¡¡¡him¡¡¡¡down¡¡¡¡here¡¡¡¡so¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡children¡¡¡¡wouldn¡¯t¡¡¡¡see¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡so¡¡¡¡I¡¡
might¡¡¡¡have¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡chance¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡caution¡¡¡¡you¡£¡¡¡¡After¡¡¡¡you¡¡¡¡three¡¡¡¡left£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡also¡¡¡¡went¡¡¡¡out¡£¡¡
Father¡¡was¡¡home¡¡by¡¡himself¡£¡±¡¡
¡°I¡¡was¡¡not¡¡aware¡¡of¡¡that£»¡±¡¡she¡¡said¡¡insolently¡£¡¡¡°Where¡¡were¡¡you£¿¡±¡¡
I¡¡¡¡wanted¡¡¡¡her¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡take¡¡¡¡careful¡¡¡¡note¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡silence¡£¡¡¡¡Then¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡said£»¡¡¡¡¡°I¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡with¡¡
Black¡£¡¡I¡¡met¡¡with¡¡Black¡¡in¡¡the¡¡house¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Hanged¡¡Jew¡£¡¡But¡¡you¡¡won¡¯t¡¡breathe¡¡
a¡¡word¡¡of¡¡this¡¡to¡¡anyone¡£¡¡Nor£»¡¡for¡¡the¡¡time¡¡being£»¡¡will¡¡you¡¡mention¡¡that¡¡my¡¡
father¡¡has¡¡been¡¡killed¡£¡±¡¡
¡°Who¡¡was¡¡it¡¡that¡¡murdered¡¡him£¿¡±¡¡
Was¡¡she¡¡truly¡¡such¡¡an¡¡idiot¡¡or¡¡was¡¡she¡¡trying¡¡to¡¡corner¡¡me£¿¡¡
¡°If¡¡I¡¡knew£»¡¡I¡¡wouldn¡¯t¡¡hide¡¡the¡¡fact¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡dead£»¡±¡¡I¡¡said¡£¡¡¡°I¡¡don¡¯t¡¡know¡£¡¡
Do¡¡you£¿¡±¡¡
¡°How¡¡should¡¡I¡¡know¡¡anything£¿¡±¡¡she¡¡said¡£¡¡¡°What¡¡are¡¡we¡¡going¡¡to¡¡do¡¡now£¿¡±¡¡
¡°You¡¯re¡¡going¡¡to¡¡behave¡¡as¡¡if¡¡nothing¡¡whatsoever¡¡has¡¡happened£»¡±¡¡I¡¡said¡£¡¡I¡¡
felt¡¡the¡¡urge¡¡to¡¡wail£»¡¡to¡¡burst¡¡out¡¡crying£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡restrained¡¡myself¡£¡¡We¡¡both¡¡were¡¡
quiet¡£¡¡
200¡¡
¡¡
Much¡¡later£»¡¡I¡¡said£»¡¡¡°Forget¡¡about¡¡the¡¡fish¡¡for¡¡now£»¡¡set¡¡out¡¡the¡¡dishes¡¡for¡¡the¡¡
children¡£¡±¡¡
She¡¡objected¡¡and¡¡started¡¡to¡¡cry£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡put¡¡my¡¡arms¡¡around¡¡her¡£¡¡We¡¡hugged¡¡
each¡¡other¡¡tightly¡£¡¡I¡¡loved¡¡her¡¡then£»¡¡momentarily¡¡pitying£»¡¡not¡¡only¡¡myself¡¡and¡¡
the¡¡¡¡children£»¡¡¡¡but¡¡¡¡all¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡us¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡¡¡even¡¡¡¡as¡¡¡¡we¡¡¡¡embraced£»¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡worm¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡doubt¡¡¡¡was¡¡
anxiously¡¡¡¡gnawing¡¡¡¡at¡¡¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡¡¡know¡¡¡¡where¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡while¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡being¡¡
murdered¡£¡¡To¡¡further¡¡my¡¡own¡¡designs£»¡¡I¡¯d¡¡cleared¡¡the¡¡house¡¡of¡¡Hayriye¡¡and¡¡the¡¡
children¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡¡¡know¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡leaving¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¡¡¡alone¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡house¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡an¡¡
unforeseen¡¡coincidence¡But¡¡did¡¡Hayriye¡¡know£¿¡¡Did¡¡she¡¡prehend¡¡what¡¡I¡¯d¡¡
explained¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡her£»¡¡¡¡will¡¡¡¡she¡¡¡¡understand£¿¡¡¡¡Indeed£»¡¡¡¡yes£»¡¡¡¡she¡¯d¡¡¡¡quickly¡¡¡¡understand¡¡
and¡¡grow¡¡suspicious¡£¡¡I¡¡hugged¡¡her¡¡even¡¡tighter£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡knew¡¡that¡¡with¡¡her¡¡slave¡¡
girl¡¯s¡¡¡¡mind¡¡¡¡she¡¯d¡¡¡¡assume¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡doing¡¡¡¡this¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡cover¡¡¡¡up¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡wiles£»¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡before¡¡
long¡¡even¡¡I¡¡felt¡¡as¡¡if¡¡I¡¡were¡¡deceiving¡¡her¡£¡¡While¡¡my¡¡father¡¡was¡¡being¡¡murdered¡¡
here£»¡¡I¡¡was¡¡with¡¡Black¡¡engaged¡¡in¡¡an¡¡act¡¡of¡¡lovemaking¡£¡¡If¡¡it¡¡were¡¡only¡¡Hayriye¡¡
who¡¡¡¡knew¡¡¡¡this£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡wouldn¡¯t¡¡¡¡feel¡¡¡¡as¡¡¡¡guilty£»¡¡¡¡but¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡suspect¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡you¡¡¡¡might¡¡¡¡make¡¡
something¡¡of¡¡it¡¡as¡¡well¡£¡¡So£»¡¡admit¡¡it£»¡¡you¡¡believe¡¡that¡¡I¡¯m¡¡hiding¡¡something¡£¡¡
Alas£»¡¡poor¡¡woman£¡¡¡Could¡¡my¡¡fate¡¡be¡¡any¡¡darker£¿¡¡I¡¡began¡¡to¡¡cry£»¡¡then¡¡Hayriye¡¡
cried£»¡¡and¡¡we¡¡embraced¡¡again¡£¡¡
I¡¡pretended¡¡to¡¡satisfy¡¡my¡¡hunger¡¡at¡¡the¡¡table¡¡we¡¯d¡¡set¡¡upstairs¡£¡¡From¡¡time¡¡
to¡¡time£»¡¡with¡¡the¡¡excuse¡¡of¡¡¡°checking¡¡on¡¡Grandfather£»¡±¡¡I¡¡would¡¡step¡¡into¡¡the¡¡
other¡¡room¡¡and¡¡burst¡¡into¡¡tears¡£¡¡Later¡¡because¡¡the¡¡children¡¡were¡¡scared¡¡and¡¡
agitated£»¡¡¡¡they¡¡¡¡snuggled¡¡¡¡up¡¡¡¡tightly¡¡¡¡next¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡me¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡bed¡£¡¡¡¡For¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡long¡¡¡¡while¡¡¡¡they¡¡
were¡¡unable¡¡to¡¡sleep¡¡for¡¡fear¡¡of¡¡jinns£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡they¡¡tossed¡¡and¡¡turned¡¡they¡¡kept¡¡
asking£»¡¡¡°I¡¡heard¡¡a¡¡noise£»¡¡did¡¡you¡¡hear¡¡it£¿¡±¡¡To¡¡lull¡¡them¡¡to¡¡sleep£»¡¡I¡¡promised¡¡to¡¡
tell¡¡them¡¡a¡¡love¡¡story¡£¡¡You¡¡know¡¡how¡¡words¡¡take¡¡wing¡¡in¡¡the¡¡darkness¡£¡¡
¡°Mother£»¡¡you¡¯re¡¡not¡¡going¡¡to¡¡get¡¡married¡¡are¡¡you£¿¡±¡¡said¡¡Shevket¡£¡¡
¡°Listen¡¡to¡¡me£»¡±¡¡I¡¡said¡£¡¡¡°There¡¡was¡¡a¡¡prince¡¡who£»¡¡from¡¡afar£»¡¡fell¡¡in¡¡love¡¡with¡¡a¡¡
strikingly¡¡¡¡beautiful¡¡¡¡maiden¡£¡¡¡¡How¡¡¡¡did¡¡¡¡this¡¡¡¡happen£¿¡¡¡¡I¡¯ll¡¡¡¡tell¡¡¡¡you¡¡¡¡how¡£¡¡¡¡Before¡¡
laying¡¡eyes¡¡on¡¡the¡¡pretty¡¡maiden£»¡¡he¡¯d¡¡seen¡¡her¡¡portrait£»¡¡that¡¯s¡¡how¡£¡±¡¡
As¡¡I¡¡would¡¡often¡¡do¡¡when¡¡I¡¡was¡¡upset¡¡and¡¡troubled£»¡¡I¡¡recounted¡¡the¡¡tale¡¡not¡¡
from¡¡memory£»¡¡but¡¡improvising¡¡according¡¡to¡¡how¡¡I¡¡felt¡¡at¡¡that¡¡time¡£¡¡And¡¡since¡¡I¡¡
colored¡¡it¡¡using¡¡a¡¡palette¡¡of¡¡my¡¡own¡¡memories¡¡and¡¡worries£»¡¡what¡¡I¡¡recounted¡¡
became¡¡a¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡melancholy¡¡illustration¡¡to¡¡acpany¡¡all¡¡that¡¡had¡¡happened¡¡
to¡¡me¡£¡¡
After¡¡¡¡both¡¡¡¡children¡¡¡¡fell¡¡¡¡asleep£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡left¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡warm¡¡¡¡bed¡¡¡¡and£»¡¡¡¡together¡¡¡¡with¡¡
Hayriye£»¡¡cleaned¡¡up¡¡what¡¡that¡¡vile¡¡demon¡¡had¡¡scattered¡¡about¡£¡¡We¡¡picked¡¡up¡¡
ruined¡¡chests£»¡¡books£»¡¡cloth£»¡¡ceramic¡¡cups£»¡¡earthenware¡¡pots£»¡¡plates¡¡and¡¡inkpots¡¡
201¡¡
¡¡
that¡¡¡¡had¡¡¡¡been¡¡¡¡thrown¡¡¡¡about¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡shattered£»¡¡¡¡we¡¡¡¡cleared¡¡¡¡away¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡demolished¡¡
folding¡¡worktable£»¡¡paint¡¡boxes¡¡and¡¡papers¡¡that¡¡had¡¡been¡¡torn¡¡up¡¡with¡¡furious¡¡
hatred£»¡¡and¡¡while¡¡doing¡¡so¡¡one¡¡of¡¡us£»¡¡periodically£»¡¡would¡¡stop¡¡and¡¡break¡¡down¡¡
crying¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡as¡¡¡¡though¡¡¡¡we¡¡¡¡were¡¡¡¡more¡¡¡¡distraught¡¡¡¡over¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡wreckage¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡the¡¡
rooms¡¡and¡¡their¡¡furnishings¡¡and¡¡the¡¡savage¡¡violation¡¡of¡¡our¡¡privacy£»¡¡than¡¡we¡¡
were¡¡¡¡over¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¯s¡¡¡¡death¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡can¡¡¡¡tell¡¡¡¡you¡¡¡¡from¡¡¡¡experience£»¡¡¡¡unfortunates¡¡
who¡¯ve¡¡lost¡¡loved¡¡ones¡¡are¡¡forted¡¡by¡¡the¡¡unchanged¡¡presence¡¡of¡¡objects¡¡in¡¡
the¡¡¡¡house£»¡¡¡¡they¡¯re¡¡¡¡lulled¡¡¡¡by¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡sameness¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡curtains£»¡¡¡¡blankets¡¡¡¡and¡¡
daylight£»¡¡¡¡which£»¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡turn£»¡¡¡¡allows¡¡¡¡them¡¡¡¡occasionally¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡forget¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡Azrael¡¡¡¡has¡¡
carried¡¡away¡¡their¡¡beloved¡¡or¡¡kin¡£¡¡The¡¡house¡¡that¡¡my¡¡father¡¡looked¡¡after¡¡with¡¡
patience¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡love£»¡¡¡¡whose¡¡¡¡nooks¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡doors¡¡¡¡he¡¡¡¡had¡¡¡¡meticulously¡¡¡¡embellished£»¡¡
had¡¡been¡¡mercilessly¡¡vandalized£»¡¡thus£»¡¡we¡¡were¡¡not¡¡only¡¡devoid¡¡of¡¡fort¡¡and¡¡
pleasant¡¡memories¡¡but£»¡¡reminded¡¡of¡¡the¡¡pitilessness¡¡of¡¡the¡¡culprit¡¯s¡¡damned¡¡
soul£»¡¡we¡¡were¡¡terrified¡¡as¡¡well¡£¡¡
When£»¡¡for¡¡example£»¡¡at¡¡my¡¡insistence¡¡we¡¡went¡¡downstairs£»¡¡drew¡¡fresh¡¡water¡¡
from¡¡the¡¡well£»¡¡performed¡¡our¡¡ablutions¡¡and¡¡were¡¡reciting¡¡from¡¡the¡¡¡°Family¡¡of¡¡
Imran¡±¡¡¡¡chapter¡ªwhich¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡dearly¡¡¡¡departed¡¡¡¡father¡¡¡¡said¡¡¡¡he¡¡¡¡loved¡¡¡¡so¡¡¡¡much¡¡
because¡¡¡¡it¡¡¡¡mentioned¡¡¡¡hope¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡death¡ªout¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡most¡¡¡¡cherished¡¡¡¡Herat¡
bound¡¡¡¡Koran£»¡¡¡¡we¡¡¡¡were¡¡¡¡under¡¡¡¡sway¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡this¡¡¡¡terror¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡alarmed¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡the¡¡
courtyard¡¡gate¡¡had¡¡begun¡¡to¡¡creak¡£¡¡It¡¡was¡¡nothing¡£¡¡But£»¡¡after¡¡we¡¡checked¡¡that¡¡
the¡¡latch¡¡was¡¡locked£»¡¡and¡¡barricaded¡¡the¡¡gate¡¡by¡¡moving¡¡with¡¡our¡¡bined¡¡
strength¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡planter¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡sweet¡¡¡¡basil¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¡¡¡would¡¡¡¡water¡¡¡¡on¡¡¡¡spring¡¡
mornings¡¡with¡¡freshly¡¡drawn¡¡well¡¡water£»¡¡we¡¡reentered¡¡the¡¡house¡¡in¡¡the¡¡dead¡¡of¡¡
night£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡suddenly¡¡seemed¡¡that¡¡the¡¡elongated¡¡shadows¡¡we¡¡were¡¡casting¡¡by¡¡
the¡¡light¡¡of¡¡the¡¡oil¡¡lamp¡¡belonged¡¡to¡¡others¡£¡¡Most¡¡frightening¡¡of¡¡all¡¡was¡¡the¡¡
horror¡¡that¡¡overcame¡¡us¡¡like¡¡a¡¡silent¡¡act¡¡of¡¡piety£»¡¡as¡¡we¡¡solemnly¡¡washed¡¡his¡¡
bloodied¡¡¡¡face¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡changed¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡clothes¡¡¡¡so¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡might¡¡¡¡deceive¡¡¡¡myself¡¡¡¡into¡¡
believing¡¡that¡¡my¡¡father¡¡had¡¡died¡¡at¡¡his¡¡appointed¡¡time£»¡¡¡°Hand¡¡me¡¡his¡¡sleeve¡¡
from¡¡underneath£»¡±¡¡Hayriye¡¡had¡¡whispered¡¡to¡¡me¡£¡¡
As¡¡¡¡we¡¡¡¡removed¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡bloody¡¡¡¡clothes¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡undergarments£»¡¡¡¡what¡¡¡¡aroused¡¡¡¡our¡¡
amazement¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡awe¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡vitality¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡whitish¡¡¡¡color¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¯s¡¡¡¡skin¡¡
illuminated¡¡by¡¡candlelight¡£¡¡Because¡¡there¡¡were¡¡many¡¡more¡¡threatening¡¡things¡¡
to¡¡¡¡frighten¡¡¡¡us£»¡¡¡¡neither¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡us¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡shy¡¡¡¡about¡¡¡¡looking¡¡¡¡at¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¯s¡¡¡¡sprawling¡¡
naked¡¡¡¡body¡¡¡¡covered¡¡¡¡with¡¡¡¡moles¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡wounds¡£¡¡¡¡When¡¡¡¡Hayriye¡¡¡¡went¡¡¡¡back¡¡
upstairs¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡fetch¡¡¡¡clean¡¡¡¡undergarments¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡green¡¡¡¡silk¡¡¡¡shirt£»¡¡¡¡unable¡¡¡¡to¡¡
restrain¡¡¡¡myself£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡looked¡¡¡¡down¡¡¡¡there¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡ed¡¡¡¡at¡¡
what¡¡¡¡I¡¯d¡¡¡¡done¡£¡¡¡¡After¡¡¡¡I¡¯d¡¡¡¡dressed¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡fresh¡¡¡¡clothes¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡carefully¡¡
cleaned¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡blood¡¡¡¡off¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡neck£»¡¡¡¡face¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡hair£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡embraced¡¡¡¡him¡¡¡¡with¡¡¡¡all¡¡¡¡my¡¡
202¡¡
¡¡
strength£»¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡burying¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡nose¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡beard£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡inhaled¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡scent¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡cried¡¡¡¡at¡¡
length¡£¡¡
For¡¡those¡¡of¡¡you¡¡who¡¡would¡¡accuse¡¡me¡¡of¡¡lacking¡¡feeling£»¡¡or¡¡even¡¡of¡¡being¡¡
guilty£»¡¡let¡¡me¡¡hasten¡¡to¡¡tell¡¡of¡¡two¡¡further¡¡instances¡¡when¡¡I¡¡broke¡¡down¡¡crying£º¡¡
1¡£¡¡¡¡When¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡tidying¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡upstairs¡¡¡¡room¡¡¡¡so¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡children¡¡¡¡wouldn¡¯t¡¡¡¡discover¡¡
what¡¡had¡¡happened¡¡and¡¡I¡¡brought¡¡a¡¡seashell¡¡he¡¯d¡¡used¡¡as¡¡a¡¡paper¡¡burnisher¡¡to¡¡
my¡¡ear£»¡¡as¡¡I¡¯d¡¡done¡¡as¡¡a¡¡child£»¡¡only¡¡to¡¡discover¡¡that¡¡the¡¡sound¡¡of¡¡the¡¡sea¡¡had¡¡
diminished¡£¡¡¡¡2¡£¡¡¡¡When¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡saw¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡red¡¡¡¡velvet¡¡¡¡cushion¡¡¡¡my¡¡¡¡father¡¡¡¡sat¡¡¡¡upon¡¡
often¡¡¡¡over¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡last¡¡¡¡twenty¡¡¡¡years¡ªso¡¡¡¡much¡¡¡¡so¡¡¡¡it¡¯d¡¡¡¡bee¡¡¡¡part¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡rear¡¡
end¡ªhad¡¡been¡¡torn¡¡apart¡£¡¡
When¡¡¡¡everything¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡house£»¡¡¡¡excluding¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡damage¡¡¡¡that¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡beyond¡¡
repair£»¡¡was¡¡put¡¡back¡¡in¡¡order£»¡¡I¡¡mercilessly¡¡denied¡¡Hayriye¡¯s¡¡request¡¡to¡¡spread¡¡
her¡¡¡¡roll¡up¡¡¡¡mattress¡¡¡¡out¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡our¡¡¡¡room¡£¡¡¡¡¡°I¡¡¡¡don¡¯t¡¡¡¡want¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡children¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡get¡¡
suspicious¡¡in¡¡the¡¡morning£»¡±¡¡I¡¡explained¡¡to¡¡her¡£¡¡But£»¡¡to¡¡be¡¡honest£»¡¡I¡¡was¡¡as¡¡eager¡¡
to¡¡be¡¡alone¡¡with¡¡my¡¡children¡¡as¡¡I¡¡was¡¡to¡¡punish¡¡her¡£¡¡I¡¡entered¡¡my¡¡bed¡¡but¡¡was¡¡
unable¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡sleep¡¡¡¡for¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡long¡¡¡¡while£»¡¡¡¡not¡¡¡¡because¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡preoccupied¡¡¡¡with¡¡¡¡the¡¡
horror¡¡of¡¡what¡¡had¡¡happened£»¡¡but¡¡because¡¡I¡¡was¡¡considering¡¡all¡¡that¡¡yet¡¡lay¡¡in¡¡
store¡£¡¡
¡¡
¡¡
¡¡¡¡¡¡
203¡¡
¡¡
I¡¡AM¡¡RED¡¡
¡¡
I¡¡appeared¡¡in¡¡Ghazni¡¡when¡¡Book¡¡of¡¡Kings¡¡poet¡¡Firdusi¡¡pleted¡¡the¡¡final¡¡line¡¡
of¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡quatrain¡¡¡¡with¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡most¡¡¡¡intricate¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡rhymes£»¡¡¡¡besting¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡court¡¡¡¡poets¡¡¡¡of¡¡
Shah¡¡Mahmud£»¡¡who¡¡ridiculed¡¡him¡¡as¡¡being¡¡nothing¡¡but¡¡a¡¡peasant¡£¡¡I¡¡was¡¡there¡¡
on¡¡the¡¡quiver¡¡of¡¡Book¡¡of¡¡Kings¡¡hero¡¡R¨¹stem¡¡when¡¡he¡¡traveled¡¡far¡¡and¡¡wide¡¡in¡¡
pursuit¡¡of¡¡his¡¡missing¡¡steed£»¡¡I¡¡became¡¡the¡¡blood¡¡that¡¡spewed¡¡forth¡¡when¡¡he¡¡
cut¡¡the¡¡notorious¡¡ogre¡¡in¡¡half¡¡with¡¡his¡¡wondrous¡¡sword£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡was¡¡in¡¡the¡¡folds¡¡
of¡¡the¡¡quilt¡¡upon¡¡which¡¡he¡¡made¡¡furious¡¡love¡¡with¡¡the¡¡beautiful¡¡daughter¡¡of¡¡
the¡¡king¡¡who¡¯d¡¡received¡¡him¡¡as¡¡a¡¡guest¡£¡¡Verily¡¡and¡¡truly£»¡¡I¡¯ve¡¡been¡¡everywhere¡¡
and¡¡am¡¡everywhere¡£¡¡I¡¡emerged¡¡as¡¡Tur¡¡traitorously¡¡decapitated¡¡his¡¡brother¡¡Iraj£»¡¡
as¡¡¡¡legendary¡¡¡¡armies£»¡¡¡¡spectacular¡¡¡¡as¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡dream£»¡¡¡¡clashed¡¡¡¡on¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡steppes£»¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡as¡¡
Alexander¡¯s¡¡¡¡lifeblood¡¡¡¡shimmered¡¡¡¡brightly¡¡¡¡from¡¡¡¡his¡¡¡¡handsome¡¡¡¡nose¡¡¡¡after¡¡¡¡he¡¡
suffered¡¡sunstroke¡£¡¡Yes£»¡¡Shah¡¡Behram¡¡G¨¹r¡¡spent¡¡every¡¡night¡¡of¡¡the¡¡week¡¡with¡¡a¡¡
different¡¡beauty¡¡beneath¡¡domes¡¡of¡¡varying¡¡color¡¡from¡¡distant¡¡lands£»¡¡listening¡¡
to¡¡the¡¡story¡¡she¡¡recounted£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡was¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡outfit¡¡of¡¡the¡¡striking¡¡maiden¡¡
he¡¡¡¡visited¡¡¡¡on¡¡¡¡a¡¡¡¡Tuesday£»¡¡¡¡whose¡¡¡¡picture¡¡¡¡he¡¯d¡¡¡¡fallen¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡love¡¡¡¡with£»¡¡¡¡just¡¡¡¡as¡¡¡¡I¡¡
appeared¡¡¡¡from¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡crown¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡caftan¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡H¨¹srev£»¡¡¡¡who¡¯d¡¡¡¡fallen¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡love¡¡¡¡with¡¡
Shirin¡¯s¡¡¡¡picture¡£¡¡¡¡Verily£»¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡visible¡¡¡¡upon¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡military¡¡¡¡banners¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡armies¡¡
besieging¡¡¡¡fortresses£»¡¡¡¡upon¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡tablecloths¡¡¡¡covering¡¡¡¡tables¡¡¡¡set¡¡¡¡for¡¡¡¡feasts£»¡¡¡¡upon¡¡
the¡¡velvet¡¡caftans¡¡of¡¡ambassadors¡¡kissing¡¡the¡¡feet¡¡of¡¡sultans£»¡¡and¡¡wherever¡¡the¡¡
sword£»¡¡¡¡whose¡¡¡¡legends¡¡¡¡children¡¡¡¡loved£»¡¡¡¡was¡¡¡¡depicted¡£¡¡¡¡Yes£»¡¡¡¡handsome¡¡¡¡almond¡
eyed¡¡¡¡apprentices¡¡¡¡applied¡¡¡¡me¡¡¡¡with¡¡¡¡elegant¡¡¡¡brushes¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡thick¡¡¡¡paper¡¡¡¡from¡¡
Hindustan¡¡and¡¡Bukhara£»¡¡I¡¡embellished¡¡Ushak¡¡carpets£»¡¡wall¡¡ornamentation£»¡¡the¡¡
bs¡¡of¡¡fighting¡¡cocks£»¡¡pomegranates£»¡¡the¡¡fruits¡¡of¡¡fabled¡¡lands£»¡¡the¡¡mouth¡¡
of¡¡Satan£»¡¡the¡¡subtle¡¡accent¡¡lines¡¡within¡¡picture¡¡borders£»¡¡the¡¡curled¡¡embroidery¡¡
on¡¡¡¡tents£»¡¡¡¡flowers¡¡¡¡barely¡¡¡¡visible¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡naked¡¡¡¡eye¡¡¡¡made¡¡¡¡for¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡artist¡¯s¡¡¡¡own¡¡
pleasure£»¡¡blouses¡¡worn¡¡by¡¡stunning¡¡women¡¡with¡¡outstretched¡¡necks¡¡watching¡¡
the¡¡street¡¡through¡¡open¡¡shutters£»¡¡the¡¡sour¡cherry¡¡eyes¡¡of¡¡bird¡¡statues¡¡made¡¡of¡¡
sugar£»¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡stockings¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡shepherds£»¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡dawns¡¡¡¡described¡¡¡¡in¡¡¡¡legends¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡the¡¡
corpses¡¡and¡¡wounds¡¡of¡¡thousands£»¡¡nay£»¡¡tens¡¡of¡¡thousands¡¡of¡¡lovers£»¡¡warriors¡¡
and¡¡shahs¡£¡¡I¡¡love¡¡engaging¡¡in¡¡scenes¡¡of¡¡war¡¡where¡¡blood¡¡blooms¡¡like¡¡poppies£»¡¡
appearing¡¡on¡¡the¡¡caftan¡¡of¡¡the¡¡most¡¡proficient¡¡of¡¡bards¡¡listening¡¡to¡¡music¡¡on¡¡a¡¡
countryside¡¡¡¡¡¡outing¡¡¡¡¡¡as¡¡¡¡¡¡pretty¡¡¡¡¡¡boys¡¡¡¡¡¡and¡¡¡¡¡¡poets¡¡¡¡¡¡partake¡¡¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡¡¡wine£»¡¡¡¡¡¡I¡¡¡¡¡¡love¡¡
illuminating¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡wings¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡angels£»¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡lips¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡maidens£»¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡death¡¡¡¡wounds¡¡¡¡of¡¡
corpses¡¡and¡¡severed¡¡heads¡¡bespeckled¡¡with¡¡blood¡£¡¡
I¡¡hear¡¡the¡¡question¡¡upon¡¡your¡¡lips£º¡¡What¡¡is¡¡it¡¡to¡¡be¡¡a¡¡color£¿¡¡
204¡¡
¡¡
Color¡¡is¡¡the¡¡touch¡¡of¡¡the¡¡eye£»¡¡music¡¡to¡¡the¡¡deaf£»¡¡a¡¡word¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡darkness¡£¡¡
Because¡¡¡¡I¡¯ve¡¡¡¡listened¡¡¡¡to¡¡¡¡souls¡¡¡¡whispering¡ªlike¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡susurrus¡¡¡¡of¡¡¡¡the¡¡¡¡wind¡ª
fro